


Lovelight

by nicrt



Series: The Five AUs that No One Asked For [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: 5au Series, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/M, Female Obi-Wan Kenobi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-16 04:31:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5814277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicrt/pseuds/nicrt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's upright but sarcastic, calm yet compassionate; the perfect model of a Jedi. The politicians envy her, the soldiers admire her and the civilians adore her; she gives them her practiced smile. But whenever Obi Wan has ever smiled her gentlest ones at him, Anakin falls in love all over again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Characters/factions/items that were not mentioned in the Star Wars franchise belong to me. I do not own any characters/factions/items that do belong to the Star Wars franchise (e.g. Anakin Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi).

_**First Fall** \- Obi Wan fell in love first_

Contrary to what he thought, it was not Anakin who had fallen in love first.

And yet Obi Wan's love for the boy wasn't placed as anything above being the elder sister of an estranged brother. (At first.)

But yes. Obi Wan had fallen for the boy. Whether it was caused by the maternal instincts of a woman or the promise made to a much-missed master, she did not know. But she reached out to the boy just as well as another Jedi could, with the stern voice of a teacher and the gentle projection of a parent.

Obi Wan had found this task difficult at first. The weights of her master's passing, her knighting and given padawan burdened her shoulders (and heart, she wouldn't admit). And Anakin...had been difficult. To relate to at least. He did not take to Obi Wan as he had to Qui Gon, did not look at her with awe struck eyes as he had with Padme.

He hid himself, cornering away from whatever bond they had. She respected it at first, didn't understand it at all; after all, what was a girl like her, too young to be a master, supposed to do in this situation? She had known nothing about the love of a mother, did not miss the comfort given to her by one for she had received none.

But now that she's thought about it...she had fallen for the boy because of a simple understanding.

There was a passion inside of him. A need to strive and become strong, to have and to want and to gain. Anakin had known nothing but constraints in his life; Obi Wan had known nothing but disappointments. She knew what he was searching for; in the way that they both wanted to become the best Jedi there was.

But unlike Anakin, she's had a decade or so to find a road to peace. When once she had tried to appease to become a padawan, now she was resigned into the fates the Force had given her. From the simple desires she had set her future self for, now she was living in the moment within the present.

The tug at her heart was what became her undoing. What had enraptured her to allow him to cry at her shoulder until he knew how to release his emotions, to let herself smile when he had completed his first lightsaber with a mix of Force and bare hands. What had allowed her love him for who he was.

But it was an altogether different reason that allowed their first kiss between them.


	2. Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Characters/factions/items that were not mentioned in the Star Wars franchise belong to me. I do not own any characters/factions/items that do belong to the Star Wars franchise (e.g. Anakin Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi).

_**Second Place** \- Obi Wan was never his first choice_

Anakin was nine when he'd first met Obi Wan. He wasn't exactly as impressed of her as he was with Qui Gon or Padme (Mr. Qui Gon was a Jedi _Master_ , meaning he was way better than her; Padme was kinder, nicer-looking and more approachable too). He was sure Obi Wan was good...but not that good.

(But Obi Wan hadn't died like Mr. Qui Gon had and hadn't celebrated their victories like Padme had.)

He was nine still when he became her student, a Padawan Learner like she had been before being knighted. And then he turned ten, eleven, fifteen, seventeen and...well, he hadn't exactly been the best student. For all his excitement for being the best Jedi there could ever be, he knew he was stubborn and too 'emotional' as the other Masters had called him.

Part of him resented Obi Wan, really. She wasn't anything like his mom. When he had nightmares, she'd been there by his side to coo them away; Obi Wan had a lecture for him in the morning instead. When he had become frustrated or angry even, his mom had the perfect hugs and words to calm him down; Obi Wan had said to release his feelings into the Force instead.

He'd never been annoyed with anyone like this in his life.

He was almost sixteen when he said this to her; and she'd responded with a small smile, a sad one.

"The universe doesn't revolve around just one person Anakin. You should be aware of others around you, just as much as you be aware of your self."

Anakin didn't get it at first, and the sadness she had projected at the time was eating away at him ever since.

* * *

  **A/N:** I'm having troubles with this au actually. Like I don't know how I want to write this piece out. Do I tell the story from the down and up, of how Anakin fell in love? Or do I show you guys something more novel, how the prequels would have been with a different woman to love?


	3. Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Characters/factions/items that were not mentioned in the Star Wars franchise belong to me. I do not own any characters/factions/items that do belong to the Star Wars franchise (e.g. Anakin Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi).

**A/N:** I literally have like a blog about fluff and angst and romance writing; and yet I can't write romance for this at all? I don't know what I'm going to do with this fic oh God. I really want to show you the buildup on how Anakin sees Obi Wan as more than just master, sister or friend.

But right now, it's a struggle; the only resource I have of their training together is Wiki, and I have no chance at finding the _Jedi Quest_ books or Marvel's _Obi-Wan & Anakin _comics. So I can't be exactly precise when it comes to Canon. And then there's the whole trigger thing; I'm trying to find that right moment when Anakin decides that 'Yes, I care for you Obi Wan' (and then he ends up pining after her like he does in the movies lol). Sigh...so much to think of and not enough time (or ideas).

Well, in other news, I've updated the chapters with actual titles now! Enjoy  _Third Degree_ for now!

* * *

 

_**Third Degree -** Obi Wan could never be like his mother or her master_

Anakin is a much more of a complex person than one would originally think.

He's a turmoil of emotions, the model example of an imperfect Jedi, as the council saw; he's a kid who had to abandon his mother and live among strangers for kriff's sake. He's an arrogant child, talented but with no sense of humility; he's been outcasted by the other Jedi, a pariah looked down upon despite his skill. He holds too many connections, grabs too tightly onto his relationships; he's own nothing but only human contact in his life, and now he gets to revel in them.

This was his understanding, his reasoning for being who he was and he felt no shame over it. Only Palpatine has ever understood that, the closest thing to another _humane_ person he's known these past few years. The other Jedi weren't like him; they know nothing about being somebody else and having to chip that away to suit their code.

Obi Wan was just that; the exact opposite of him...she's the perfect example of a good Jedi. Detached and collected, a close follower to the code and a skilled practitioner of the Force. Even she judged Anakin for being who he was; she just didn't get him at all.

•×•×•

Anakin didn't get Obi Wan at all.

He was infuriated with how undecided she could be. One time cold; emotionless towards his grievances and then next time hot; frustrated and incensed over his problems.

This was one of those hot times.

"Who did that?" Her voice was soft but sharp.

"No one." He answered stubbornly, the black eye stinging.

"Padawan...if you had gotten into a fight..."

"I didn't!" Anakin bristled.

_She doesn't understand at all._

"Didn't start it or didn't get into one?"

"Why do you care?"

"I am your master. It's my duty to know of what my Padawan is doing."

_Was everything just about duty to Obi Wan?_

"Yeah you're just my master, not my mother. I'm just a kid you got stuck with and you're just doing your job."

She exhaled loudly. "I know I can't be like your mother Padawan. But-"

"But nothing!" He's anger was doubling now. "Just go ahead and pretend that there's nothing wrong like always. It doesn't matter to you what I feel!"

"Padaw-"

"Yeah! I got into a fight. Another youngling was talking behind my back about me. I told him to stop, and he wouldn't! Do you know how many of them were saying things about me like that? What they're even talking about?" He could feel all those years of being alone building up for this moment.

Obi Wan stayed silent; Anakin became livid from her lacking reaction.

"Mom would have sided with me! She would have told me they were wrong and that I shouldn't feel sorry for myself."

_I want her to hurt just as much as I am right no._

"Qui Gon would have been a better master! At least he'd tell me to do more than just meditate on this!"

A searing ache touched his burning anger; it took a moment to figure out that the pain was radiating through his training bond. And that it was coming from Obi Wan.

_After all these years, she was still pained by his passing?_

Her face was passive as always but there was a shift in her demeanour. Stiff, small...and sad. She had closed her eyes when he'd been shouting, and when she opened them, there was a bright sheen in them.

"Yes...he would have been a better master." And Anakin flinched because he's never heard her sound so...devoid-like. "But he's gone now...put something on that eye Anakin...I imagine it still hurts…"

She stood up then and walked back into her room, bringing along whatever emotions that were wrought out of her just now. Anakin was left in the common room of their shared apartment, with a burnt out resentment and a new ache of his own.

_It feels like whenever Mom used to get upset over something that I've done._

"Anakin." He looked up when she called, having paused by the doorway of her room. "For the record? I am sorry I couldn't be more."

The doors closed behind her and Anakin has never felt more alone in his life.


	4. Part IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Characters/factions/items that were not mentioned in the Star Wars franchise belong to me. I do not own any characters/factions/items that do belong to the Star Wars franchise (e.g. Anakin Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi).

**A/N:** COUNT 'EM: 1,967 WORDS. Phew, that was a doozy, and most of them were drafts I thought I wouldn't use. LOVELIGHT HAS FOUND LIFE PEOPLE. AND BY LIFE I MEAN PREPARE FOR A WORLD ANGST. And while I'm at it, reviews!

Some news guys! Okay a little heads up for the interested.

\- Fem!Obiwan, I felt was a struggle because I forgot what direction I wanted the story to go on, but now there's a whole guideline in my notebook for it lol. Speaking of which, there might be a Lovelight project on the way, hint hint wink ;) One that includes this current set and a whole other monster, complete with five and counting acts! Multiply that by five chapters guys, OMG.

\- The Scryer au! Imagine an Obi Wan that sees two steps forward, sometimes further, sometimes nearer. Imagine an Obi Wan who's forced to listen to both Living and Unifying Force. An Obi Wan who could see what exactly his opponent was planning; a block here, a swipe there, and he'll counter them Obi Wan who could have been prepared for it all...but we all know how much I love torturing Obi Wan. Maybe I should give him a happy ending here? We'll see~

\- The chapter here was inspired by Fx's song called  _Four Walls_ ; try reading the lyrics and see if you can connect their word choices with the chappie here! 

* * *

 ** _Four Walls_ ** _\- Obi Wan dreams and Anakin is lost_

She was dreaming. That had to be it; it explained the sense of floating in her head, her inability to grasp anything solid or grounded. It explained the soft coloured walls around her, shaded pinks and greens that went for as long as time itself. It explained the mirrors she passed, hanging on those walls, her reflections watching her every move.

It was unending maze, each opening diverging into forks and then one and three turns becoming a dead end. The walls were too high, and her senses too fogged; she couldn't reach out to the Force to find her way out.

 _Unless this place is resistant to the Force_ , she thought, _no Kenobi, this is just a dream._

Because in her dreams she met with the people in her life, from both her past and present. She's passed by her masters; Yoda, Mace and Qui Gon. Qui Gon, who looked at her with a sorrowful expression, kind eyes and left her a broken heart. She's passed her friends; Satine, Siri, Quinlan and Padme. Padme who's looked at her with shining eyes, her face one of awe and respect. Satine who'd watched her with a sombre look, but her small smile in place. She's passed total strangers, but there was that dark auburn hair and featured moles in their looks.

Then she had come face to face with her apprentice.

Anakin watched her with fiery eyes and a tormented look on his face. Who, out of all the people, looked much older than she remembered him. A scar that traced the side of one eye. A durasteel hand clenched into a fist. Sandy blonde hair grown out into curls. His padawan braid, cut off and in his hand.

 _"Obi Wan…"_ he whispered, wistfully. " _Come back."_

The problem was...she didn't know how.

•x•x•

It pained Anakin to watch her suffer like this.

A fever broke out as soon as they had returned from their offworld mission, one that had consisted of a bioterrorist and her plan of destroying an entire planet's population. What they hadn't known was that she was looking for revenge against a now-dead Qui Gon. That in turn, meant vengeance against Obi Wan; which lead to her contracting the virus that the villain had constructed specifically for Obi Wan's DNA. To make matters worse...

Anakin could not reach her through their training bond. The virus, whatever it was and whatever it was _doing_ , was messing with her connection to the Force; her signature, once the glowing and soothing warmth that Anakin had come to recognise, was dimming and kept fading in and out like a dying light bulb. Now...now she was so cold and far away, Anakin couldn't help but-

 _No! No don't you dare think that Skywalker!_ He chided himself. _Obi Wan has been through worse! She'll make it. Master Che is looking to a cure as we speak._

But doubt gnawed at the boy, and a panicked fear caught his heart. What if she didn't found a cure on time? What if they did, but we're too late? What if there wasn't a cure at all? What-

A hand clutched around his so tightly, Anakin jumped slightly. From the side of her ward be, Anakin has done nothing but worry beside her, staring blankly at her fevered face.

Her hand quivered in his, white-knuckled and sweaty. Anakin has felt this same hand smoothen out his prickly hairstyle, fingers delicate while braiding his hair, calloused from all the lightsaber trainings she's done with him. The same hand that had pushed him away from danger and that had healed the injuries he's sustained over missions. Familiar, comforting and strong; all that made Obi Wan who she was.

Obi Wan was the perfect Jedi because she was selfless, putting others before herself. Because she was compassionate, she would go miles on for the people she was protecting. Because she knew of loss and disappointment, of striving for achievement and only receiving reprimands for them.

Anakin knew all of this, despite his misgivings and despise over how she just...was. But he can't seem to imagine anyone else who would meet his fury with calmness, who would allow him comfort and praise, who would still take him on with all his flaws and shortcomings. Who would still...

"Anakin..." she breathed out, soft and almost lovingly.

He was quick to lean near her head. "I'm here Master. Can you hear me?"

She was silent once more, eyebrows creased and perspiration matting her hairline. Anakin grabbed her hand with both of his, tightening his hold over hers.

"Come back Obi Wan." There was a desperate tone in his voice, he knew. "You can't leave...not like this. Not when I- I still need you Master. Don't leave me alone."

"Come back Obi Wan..." Tears pricked at his eyes. "Come back."

•x•x•

This Anakin was a shining force of power and light; a blue halo that would have blinded those ill-prepared to face it. Obi Wan knew it like the back of her hand, but it wasn't the raw kind he had now. It was in control, older and matured.

"Obi Wan..." this Anakin spoke, voice a baritone. "Come back."

"I don't know how." She answered. "I don't even know where I am."

This Anakin lifted a hand, the metallic one, and rested it on her cheek; it was cooling on her skin and she was almost tempted to lean into the touch. She was so tired...she hadn't realised it until now. The energy around her felt like she was submerged in water, a shroud that encased her in silent stillness; but it was comforting and felt like...blue. Blue, just like Anakin's.

There was a weight on her forehead, and she had closed her eyes moments before. As she opened her eyes, his electric blue stared into her grey ones. There was sentimentality in them, a kind of caring and liking and affection in them.

His gaze was loving as he leaned closer. "Come back..."

Then everything disappeared and she was gone.

•x•x•

Her heart had stopped; her last breath had left her.

The Masters had told him to let her go.

"NO!" Anakin latched onto her still form, his heart beating a mile a minute. "OBI WAN!"

Her voice, the irritated and tired kind, scolded him from inside his head. _You must learn how to let go Anakin. You must learn on how to leave and begin again._

It was a harder and broken voice, hers again, that retorted _, Would you want him to agonise over you? Like you had with Qui Gon?_

A third one sounded, and it was as loving as his mother's had been when he had left her on Tatooine. _Listen to the Force Anakin. Let it guide you. Let it help you. Learn from it._

Like a supernova, Anakin's connection to the Force exploded and he found himself in the very centre of it all. He could feel the Living Force; every lifeform on Coruscant, all the Jedi in the temple, the Chancellor in his office. He could see the Unifying Force; the stars and space, the cosmos amongst planets and their lives. He could touch the Physical Force; the atoms and their lattices, the lightsaber and their crystals in this room.

But important of all...he could find Obi Wan in the Cosmic Force.

And that was scary; it meant that she was truly dead.

_No. I can save her! She's not there yet! Her Force signature...there!_

Caught between the two spectrums, a spirit floating about. Anakin quickly held onto her, never letting her go again. Not ever. His own energy wrapped around hers tightly, and he could feel everything about her. Her living cells, her mind and memories, her very being...

And there it was. _The virus_.

Something burned inside of Anakin and he used that to destroy the thing that's made her this way.

 _Never again,_ he vowed as he tugged her spirit along.

He was never letting her go again.

•x•x•

It was dark when she opened her eyes. The Coruscant skyline was lit, a galaxy of stars in their own right, with the sounds of nightlife reached up to her. The sheets she was under felt scratchy and new; she was definitely sure that she was not in her quarters.

Tilting her head away from the windows, she came face to face with her padawan. Asleep, his head was cushioned on his arms, folded on the bed as he leaned on it. A finger of his was almost touching hers, twitching as he dreamed. Almost in a trance, she made a move to touch his head; then stopped halfway when the doors of the room opened.

"Awake I see, you are," Master Yoda greeted her gently, with a Mace Windu following right after. "Glad to see, all right you are."

"Masters." Her voice was hoarse and she realised just how weak she felt. "Where?"

"You are in the healer's ward." Master Windu answered, coming up next to her bedside; Yoda had clambered up onto a chair for height. "You gave us quite a scare Obi Wan."

She bowed her head. "Forgive me Masters..."

"There is nothing to ask forgiveness for." Mace told her gently. "It should be us, for not acting sooner."

She was quiet then, mulling over the sensations about her. "I remember a bioterrorist," she began, "We were trying to stop her from releasing a cloud bomb in the air. Anakin..." she looked down at the sleeping boy, waves of lethargy and relief coming from him. "He managed to stop it before it went off. But..."

"Padawan Skywalker has given us a full report already Obi Wan." Mace explained, a hand resting on her shoulder. "He spoke of the cloud grenades. And of the vial."

A phantom pain hit her, the cold needle of the syringe piercing into her skin; she rubbed against her neck unconsciously. "I have a feeling you weren't able to find a cure."

The elder masters shared a look. "Strong in the Force, Skywalker is." Yoda answered, glancing at the boy. "Able to destroy the virus from within you, he was."

"I'm sorry? Within me?"

"Took hold of the Force he did; guided him, it did. To find the source of your problem, he had. Gone you were," his ears drooped as he closed his eyes, "almost one with the Force, you were."

That made her blood run cold; Anakin shifted uncomfortably.

"He pulled you back somehow." Mace shook his head. "And when you started breathing again...it was nothing short of a miracle Obi Wan. We've been running scans; No signs of the infection at all and you've been in a healing trance since. For almost about three days now."

Anakin did that? All of that? For her? She wasn't too sure what the feeling creeping up in her throat was; discomfort or flattery she couldn't tell.

"I suppose I should be grateful. But I'm more alarmed than anything right now, Master. I will make my own report once I'm allowed to leave."

"You shouldn't worry anymore, I would say." Mace gave her a kind smile. "Welcome back Kenobi."

When they both began to leave, Obi Wan remembered about the walls. When she tried to call them back, something brushed against her lips. When she let them leave and was left stunned in her place, Anakin stirred and sat up.

"Hi Master…" he said, groggily, "How are you?"

A metal hand, the facial scar and blue light flashed before her eyes. She smiled at him. "All right here. You?"

A torrent of sneezes erupted from him then and she couldn't help the laughter that spilled out.

They were both put under the care of Master Che for the rest of week after.


End file.
